A radio host recently asked me about conflict resolution and I would like to share here some of the comments I made to her and her audience. Her question was: In our relations with others we are used to having conflicts. Are they extraordinary occurrences that happen in our lives or something we all face sooner or later?

We all have experienced conflict, to a greater or lesser degree. Conflict is natural and inevitable, what varies is the manner in which we face it.

Conflict occurs for an endless number of reasons. There may be disagreements about facts or events in a specific situation. There may be conflict in goals or objectives to be pursued or in the way in which something is going to be carried out. There are discrepancies in people’s values and in their perceptions and approach to handling situations.

Our approach to conflict influences its potential resolution. Avoiding facing conflict may create greater anxiety that may reduce our potential for peaceful results. In this scenario, the differences which created the conflict can tend to grow with time and the situation may become even more difficult to resolve. That is why it is best to face such situations in an effort to solve them from the beginning.

It may also happen that we show a combative style in dealing with conflict, which is the opposite of the situation mentioned above. Stating our opinions and ideas very quickly, many times without thinking about the consequences may also hinder conflict resolution. When this happens we may become very emotional and direct, so others clearly know our desires, nevertheless, by doing so this may become an obstacle for effective communication. In this case it is possible to achieve better results by choosing words carefully, considering the consequences of actions and reactions, and making an effort to understand the points of view of others.

Another alternative happens when our frame of reference includes a strong desire for a win-win resolution. In this situation, we tend to be interested in listening to others and seek common goals that will evolve into a peaceful resolution. This is the style that enables us to truly solve conflict and to maintain harmonious relations within ourselves and with others.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 5th, 2009 at 1:11 pm and is filed under Inner Peace, Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.